


For you only

by marymerthur



Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom, Merthur - Fandom
Genre: Arthur Pendragon - Freeform, M/M, Merlin - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-26 06:14:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/647459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marymerthur/pseuds/marymerthur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is bringing Arthur back using his powerful magic. But every magic comes with a price and Merlin doesn't know which the price is going to be, but he is going to pay anything to bring his King back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The action takes place after the end of the show, but Merlin doesn't look like Emrys.

Another war. Other people dying. Another battle that may be the end of Camelot. The shouting of the knights, the begging for help from the wounded and the sound of the swords fighting were like another lullaby in Merlin’s ears. He was sitting near the waters of Avalon looking to the island and waiting for a boat, for a hand, for a sword, for any move that could mean Arthur’s returning. "Arthur will rise again". The voice of Kilgharrah was now like a curse. At the beginning it was hope, Merlin thinking that if he believed in that words Arthur will come back, but in time, this words proved that they were nothing but lies. And yet he didn’t go away from there. Any day could be the one when Arthur will return and he would blame himself for the rest of his life if he weren’t there.  


On the background of his thoughts the shouting of the men dying and the few who were still fighting was present. Merlin shook his head and drew a line in the sand, line that represented another battle, another war and another hope. He looked at the lake, took a deep breath and tried to ignore all the people he could hear suffering.  
Sometimes he felt guilty because now, everyone knew about his powers. Since the fight at Camlann everyone knew he was the one who helped them, who saved them and who gave them hope to keep fighting to win that war. But now? Now everyone was asking: Where is Emrys? Where is our savior? Where is he when we need him? And Merlin always had the answer in his mind, in his heart, but never told them. He didn’t want to help them; he’d rather watch thousands of people die than missing the opportunity for Arthur to come back. 

“What to fight for? Arthur is dead, Camelot is no longer what it was and Guinevere is not the kind of Queen I imagined. There is nothing worth fighting for and if the battles will bring my King back, then let the battles come” – Merlin said washing his face in the waters of Avalon. He looked at his face and didn’t recognize it. For a second he asked himself who he was and what he had become, but then he remembered the moment he had to let go the person he loved the most and the miserable years that came. He could have stopped every war, every battle and every fight between Camelot and those who, with Arthur gone, didn’t respect the treaties and attacked the land. But he didn’t. He didn’t stop them, he didn’t even interfere and he watched many people die, because he knew that all he had to do was to protect the lake. To protect the only place where he could see Arthur again, the only place where Merlin could still have hope and the only place where no one could ever find him. 

Weeks have passed and the war didn’t end. Merlin was eating a rabbit he had caught when some Saxons were approaching. Before Merlin could even react the Saxons saw him. 

“Look! There he is.” – one of them said coming closer. 

“Emrys, we have been searching for you for more than ten years and you were here all this time, protecting the one who will never return.” – another Saxon said. 

Merlin didn’t say anything, but he felt the anger inside his body, he felt his blood going faster through his veins. He turned his head, looked at them and smiled.

“We have to take you to the Queen. You have a big price on your head” 

Now he was hunted like an animal. Now, when he was staying aside from this entire world, everyone wanted him. And not him. His magic. They wanted someone to save their pity lives. They wanted an end to the wars. They wanted peace like it was when Arthur was King. 

“Go and tell your Queen where I am. Tell her that I am not going to do anything. That I am staying here, near Avalon, doing nothing but wait for my King.”  
The Saxons started laughing. 

“I am sorry Emrys but we will take you to the Queen and then we are going to find Arthur’s body and bury him like the Queen wants.” 

Merlin looked at them angrily and stand up. He got closer to the Saxons and started laughing in their face.

“Only over my dead body”, he said, “now go away and never return.”

The Saxons started laughing and took their swords, pointing them to Merlin.

“If that is what you want, then your dead body should be”. 

They started running to Merlin, but he didn’t do more than raising his hands and throw them away. At first he smiled, thinking how stupid they were to think that they could beat him, but then he felt pity for them. He went back to his place and kept eating his rabbit.


	2. Chapter 2

Another week has passed. Odin’s men took the Lower Town and the citadel didn’t seem to resist much. In some days Camelot would be taken and Albion wouldn’t exist anymore. Merlin went in the waters of Avalon and took a deep breath. 

“I know you can hear me. You can always hear me. Camelot is in danger. Camelot needs its King. The knights need someone to lead them and Sir Leon is not the right person. You are! Camelot will soon disappear and all that we stood for, all that we fought for will no longer exist. Albion needs you, my King. Arthur” – Merlin whispered, keeping his eyes closed and trying to find Arthur’s presence in the lake. And he did, but it was like a ghost, Arthur’s presence becoming a spirit in that lake, a spirit that will never rise again. And still he could hear something. Thousands of whispers saying the same thing, the same name: Merlin.

Merlin got out of the water and shook his head, tears going down his face. "He needs me and I can’t do anything. I am staying here waiting for him and he doesn’t even know it!" – he said in his mind, the thoughts torturing him. And then he looked at the lake, at that little island, seeing again that boat who was going there looking for peace. Merlin blinked and that boat disappeared, leaving behind all the memories and the suffering, all the years he had to wait for the one who loves and the one who swore to protect. "No more waiting". Merlin went near the lake and took some water in his hands.

“I am going to find a solution. I won’t stay long, I promise.” – Merlin said and dropped the water in the lake. He took his bag so that he wouldn’t leave any evidence that someone was there and looked again at the lake. It was the first time. The first time he left Arthur alone without protection. Suddenly all the cold days, the rainy days when he did nothing but tremble in the cold, using his magic to keep the fire burning came into his mind. He let a tear fall on his face, but he made it disappear in the next moment.

“Feormian dust rénian” – Merlin said using a protection spell, creating a shield. Anyone who would try or think of doing something to this lake would die in less than a minute.

“You are protected now, my Lord. Like you always were.”

Saying those words, Merlin felt like he never disappointed Arthur, like he never failed his destiny. He always protected his King and he was always there when he needed him. But then he was thinking about that night and just remembering that day made Merlin blaming himself for not being there. He stopped thinking about Camlann, he stopped torturing himself, and he stopped wishing to take the time back.

Merlin walked till he didn’t see the lake. First he became worried and wanted to go back, but then he told himself that he has nothing to worry about and the spell will do everything is needed. He kept walking and going up on a hill. While he was walking he noticed that the forest of Ascetir didn’t change much. More than twenty years and the places were the same. All the memories came into Merlin’s mind: when he was looking for special herbs for Gaius, when he was going with Arthur on a secret mission, when the knights and Arthur were waiting for his food and when they were laughing near the fire and waiting for the morning to go further. All that moments were gone now; all that moments were now nothing but memories, images that one by one were fading as Merlin was walking forward.

After a couple of hours Merlin arrived at the plain he never wanted to see again. The plain that brought only nightmares. He looked around, trying not to remember much of what happened and saw Avalon. He couldn’t help thinking that he should have summoned Kilgharrah from the start to take him and Arthur there. He couldn’t help thinking that he could have saved his prince and he couldn’t help thinking that everything was his fault and that he could have killed Mordred when he had the chance. Merlin shook his head and looked at the sky.

“O drakon! E male so ftengommeta tesd’ hup’ anankes” – he shouted and then he looked at the sky in every direction waiting for the Great Dragon.

He didn’t wait for a long time and he saw the dragon coming like a black arrow on the blue sky. Merlin smiled being happy to see his only friend alive.


	3. Chapter 3

Kilgharrah was staying in front of his Dragon lord. First, either Merlin or Kilgharrah knew what to say. There has been years since they didn’t hear of each other and now, all of a sudden, the Dragon was summoned in the same place as the last time. Kilgharrah smiled and started speaking.

“You didn’t change much, young warlock.”

“I didn’t want to change” – said Merlin emotionless.

“And why is that? Why would you care how you look when all you do is staying near the waters of Avalon?”

“I want Arthur to recognize me. I want him to know who I am. I want him to look at me like his Merlin and not like a stranger called Emrys.” – Merlin said almost shouting.

Kilgharrah didn’t say anything and Merlin turned his back taking a deep breath. He looked around and he recalled the moment when Arthur died in his arms, the moment when a part of him died with Arthur and which will be alive only when the King will come back. "All your magic Merlin and you can’t save my life", Arthur’s voice was shouting in his head, almost blaming him and Merlin almost started crying.

“Kilgharrah...” – Merlin started talking, but his voice lost itself in the air.

Merlin looked to Kilgharrah and continued speaking

“...you said that when Albion will need him most, Arthur will rise again.”

Kilgharrah didn’t say anything. He remembered very well when he said those words, but he never thought he will have to say them again.

“It’s true, Merlin. He will rise again.”

“That’s not true! You told me that only to calm me, thinking that I won’t wait for him, that I will continue my life serving the Queen and helping people.” , Merlin shouted angrily.

Merlin started crying because of anger, all the years he have waited for him being nothing but waste of time.

“Look at me Dragon! Look at me! I am staying here, on the same plain I had stayed before. But now I am not going to ask you any favors. Now I am telling you to help me bring him back.

Kilgharrah’s yellow eyes became bigger because of the shock. What the Dragon lord was asking was impossible. There wasn’t any kind of good magic that could bring a person back from the dead.

“Merlin you have to understand that Arthur will come back when it’s his time.” – the Dragon said trying to calm Merlin down and make him forget that idea.

“His time? Camelot is almost gone! Odin’s men took the Lower Town and the citadel won’t last much. Both Camelot and Albion will soon be gone and if this is not the time when Arthur should come back then I don’t know when it is.” – Merlin said, his shouting remaining an echo in the air.

Kilgharrah shook his head and sighed.

“Merlin there is nothing you can do. The Once and Future King will rise when he will be needed. This battle is already lost. Arthur can’t do anything. One day he will rise and together with you he will bring both Camelot and Albion back. You need to have faith.”

“Faith? Look at me. After more than twenty years I had faith that every battle will bring him back and now, when there is a chance for him to come back, when I can save him you tell me that there is nothing I can do. You told me the same thing years ago and maybe I could have done something, but I listened to you and sometimes I regret that”, he said angrily, his voice was a blaming one.

Kilgharrah made two steps back and couldn’t believe what he just heard. He knew that Merlin was saying that only because he was cross with him, but his words were so painful that he couldn’t accept them. He let fire come from his mouth together with a shout. Merlin stopped the fire immediately by raising a hand.

“You have to help me Kilgharrah. I am sure you know how, but you don’t want to tell me. Maybe you know the future, maybe you know what is going to happen, but I don’t care. Because I know that I can face everything with Arthur by my side. I can defeat everything and you know it. But only if he is by my side.”

Kilgharrah sighed. He didn’t want to tell Merlin anything, but he knew that if he didn’t talk willingly Merlin would use his powers to force him.

“No good magic can bring a person back from the dead.”

“I will do anything. I will do the same thing Morgana did with Lancelot.”

“Don’t you remember that Lancelot didn’t remember anything of what he had been before? He was Morgana’s puppet. Do you want the same thing for Arthur? Not to have free will? Do you want Arthur to be at your command?”

Merlin looked at Kilgharrah and shook his head. Of course he didn’t want that. Arthur was the one who was supposed to give orders.

“You will have to use dark magic. You will use a spell that will bring him dead, but I have to warn you, young warlock. Dark magic always comes with a price.” – Kilgharrah said, looking at Merlin and hoping that he will give up.

“I will pay any price to bring him back.” – Merlin said quickly.

“Be careful, Merlin. The price will be very high. It can also take your powers.”

Merlin stayed there for a second thinking. What would be his life without magic? He couldn’t do anything. He doesn’t know how to fight, he doesn’t know anything. But then he asked himself what his life will be without Arthur. A life like the last years: alone, full of misery, waiting, listening to people dying without doing anything even though he could. He didn’t want that. Magic was no use for him if he didn’t have what to use it for.

Kilgharrah was having a hope, thinking that Merlin won’t let go of his magic. But the words Merlin said next destroyed the entire dragon’s hope.

“I said I will pay any price to bring him back. My destiny is to protect him. I have nothing to do with my magic if not protect him and I don’t want to live the life I had in the last years”, Merlin sighed, “I am tired Kilgharrah. This is the chance I had in more than twenty years and I won’t let it go. I don’t care the price I have to bring my King back.”

Kilgharrah nodded, trying to understand. And he did. He did understand Merlin’s wish and what he wanted.

“Love is the most powerful magic, young warlock.”

Merlin raised his look immediately.

“Unfortunately my love can’t bring him back. If it could then after a day he would be back.” – Merlin said faking a smile. “Where do I find the spell and what potion I need to make?”

“In a book that Gaius had. I don’t know if it’s still there, but I know that there you will find the spell and the ingredients you need for the potion. But be careful, young warlock, when you are doing the spell all your body needs to be in the waters of Avalon. If not, the spell won’t work and Arthur’s soul and body will be lost forever.”

Merlin nodded and looked at Kilgharrah.

“Can you get me close to Camelot? It’s a long way from here and I don’t have a horse and I don’t want to lose more time than I already have.”

Kilgharrah smiled and nodded, letting Merlin get on him. He opened his wings and started flying, going to Camelot.

Merlin remembered when he was keeping Arthur in his arms waiting to get to Avalon and bring him back. "I will bring you back. This time, I will bring you back, Arthur", he said in his mind as they were flying above the island. Merlin saw the big castle, unchanged, like he used to know. Kilgharrah let him near the castle.

“Thank you old friend” – Merlin said smiling and started walking to the castle as he heard Kilgharrah going away.


	4. Chapter 4

Camelot was the same: the same structure, the same entry, almost the same guardians that Merlin had to avoid. But there was something that wasn’t the same: the atmosphere. Without Arthur, Camelot seemed like an ordinary castle where lives a Queen who lost her husband and who rules the kingdom now. Merlin felt like he was coming to make some deal with a stranger, he felt like he was on a new land, starting a new life. And that wasn't true. He made his way through the guards and he entered the castle. He was heading to his old chambers when he passed near Arthur’s chambers. Merlin sighed, looked around and without thinking he entered without caring that someone may be there. But the room was the same. The same furniture, the same carpet, the objects were put in the same position, nothing was changed. Merlin felt like it was only yesterday when Arthur left to Camlann, when he told him he wasn't going to come with him. For a second he saw Arthur staying near the bed and he almost heard the words he had said. Merlin shook his head and then went near the bed, putting his hand through the red blanket where Arthur used to sleep, from where Merlin used to drag him. For a second Merlin and smiled and said: 

“It’s time for you to wake up, Arthur. It’s time for you to come home” 

Merlin looked down and let a tear fall on the carpet. He took a deep breath and stand up and kept walking in the room remembering all the times he stayed here and told Arthur what to do, telling him about his funny feelings, all the times he encouraged his King. 

He went to the window and looked at the guardians doing their jobs and then he saw Gwen. She was wearing the same red and long dress that Merlin saw her wearing last time the saw each other and her dark hair was going down her shoulders like a cascade, giving the impression that was never going to end. First he smiled, remembering the strong friendship that was between them, but then he remembered that she didn’t even ask for Arthur, she didn’t even want his body to be found; she just took the crown, accepted the greetings and she kept looking for answers of how Merlin became a sorcerer and how he could lie like that. "How did you play so well the role of being a martyr and a saint and the person who loves everyone and does everything good? How could Arthur believe that you cared about him?" - he said in his mind watching Guinevere smiling and making everyone happy. 

Merlin rolled his eyes and he just got away from the window. He looked again around him trying to stop all the memories, trying to stop his desires. He left the room and went in his old chambers, full of more memories. The difference was that when he entered his chambers he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t miss that place and he didn’t remember anything about his time spent around these walls. All he could remember were his long talks to Gaius and all the times Gaius taught him about spells and told him about his destiny. Everything was at its right place. For a second, Merlin wandered what happened to Gaius. Was he dead? Did he leave Camelot? But then, he remembered the reason he was there. 

“I am here for Arthur. I didn’t come to ask about anyone, because I don’t care what happened. Years have passed and things have changed. I have changed.” – he mumbled for himself while looking through Gaius’ books. 

He has searched for hours, but when he found the book he felt released. He made a spell and shut the door – so that no one could disturb him – and he sat and the old table where Gaius used to prepare potions and opened the book looking for the spell Kilgharrah told him about. Meanwhile he heard footsteps approaching, but he didn’t move a finger. He heard Guinevere’s voice asking what had happened and why the door was locked and he grinned again. Merlin kept searching until he found the spell. He started crying of happiness. Tomorrow Arthur will be back. I will bring my King back. – he whispered in his own mind.


	5. Chapter 5

The spell wasn’t difficult to make. There were needed some herbs that Merlin could easily get them. The difficult part was the words that were written after the spell. Merlin read them carefully and when he finished he put his hands through his hair and sighed. He read it again but he read it loudly so that he could understand better.

“The person who is brought back from the death is not going to be awake. He is going to be sleeping where his corpse is. The person won’t know that he is alive and won’t be able to react. If the spell worked, then the person will wake in two or three hours. If not, the person’s soul will be stuck between death and life.” 

Merlin sighed, took the book and got out from Camelot unseen. He ran through the woods when he saw Gwen surrounded by the knights. He shook his head and tried to run in the other part, but Guinevere had already seen him. 

“Emrys...” – she said, but then she changed her words immediately – “Merlin...” 

Merlin looked at her with such a powerful hate and anger burning in his eyes. He stopped when he could have run faster than a blink of an eye. He stopped because in her voice he found that friend he lost in the day he lost his love. Merlin looked at her, at her dress, at her face. She didn’t change too much, her face being the same, her hair seemed to not have grown a centimeter and her eyes showing the same kindness and sharing the same love the old Gwen did. But Merlin knew what kind of person she was then. 

“We have been looking for you, you know? I needed you; Camelot needed you all this years. I found out about – “ 

“We? Oh, you mean you and the new knights that are doing everything you want. The ones that didn’t know the true King of Camelot. Did you really need me, my lady, or that was just another part of your role of the perfect Queen?” – Merlin said on an ironic tone, feeling so good to say it after all those years. 

“I have been sending patrols after you and Arthur.” 

“Ten minutes after you took the crown? Maybe ten years... you have been searching for me? Why? To cure the ones that were ill? To water the fields when there was no rain? To put a protection spell upon Camelot so that you wouldn’t have to fight with other kingdoms that didn’t trust you?” – he said grinning. 

“What? No! Merlin how can you say that... you are my friend” – Gwen said

“Was...I was your friend. You lost my friendship the day you abandoned me. You stopped carrying, Guinevere, in the moment Arthur died. You knew where I was, Gaius told you. 

And yet you didn’t send a patrol, you didn’t want to find me; you didn’t want Arthur’s body to bury it and make him a funeral like a King like him deserved. You just took the crown and ruled the kingdom as you wanted.” 

“Merlin you don’t know how much I needed you. Where were you when all the people were dying? Where were you when all the people were praying for the great Emrys to come, their great savior? Where were you when shouting of our people dying were echoing every sound of Camelot? What were you doing?” – the Queen started yelling at Merlin, reproaching him. 

“Listening...” – Merlin said on a calm tone, trying to be calm. 

Guinevere didn’t say anything. She was speechless, but Merlin didn’t care. 

“What...?” – the Queen managed to say.

“Yes. The shouting of the people were like a lullaby to my ears and I always hoped to be the last lullaby to be sung. I always hoped that every battle will bring him back. You know, while you were sitting on your throne, wearing your crown and sleeping in your royal bed, I was there, near the lake, waiting for /my/ King to come back. Waiting for him to rise from that water and call me an idiot; waiting for him to give me orders; waiting for something that might be only my imagination. That might not even be real.”

Guinevere tried to say something, but Merlin didn’t let her. 

“And let me ask you now, my lady, where were you when I needed a shoulder to cry on? Where were you when Arthur was dying in my arms and I was useless? Where were you when he wanted to see you and tell you goodbye? Where were you when I let him go? Did you feel the same pain I did? Did you mourn all these years as I did? Did you wish for only one second that he would come in the castle, open those doors and find a solution to anything like he used to do? I bet you didn’t.” 

Gwen didn’t say anything. She was staring at the person she used to call “friend”, a person that wasn’t what she thought. 

“Merlin...I am sorry, I had to take care of the kingdom, I didn’t have time for mourning or for looking for someone that was already dead. Of course I searched for you. I needed your help. Gaius left Camelot and I didn’t find anyone to help me with the people who were ill. My people were scared, Merlin! Of course I needed you!” 

Merlin smiled ironically and then he shook his head. 

“/Your/ people?” – he said and Guinevere looked at him without realizing what Merlin asked. 

Merlin turned his back and made his way through the knights, ignoring Percival and Sir Leon, heading to Avalon. He started running with the book in his hands, keeping it at his chest like it was a treasure. And then he saw again that little island and felt like he arrived at home. 

“I am here now” – he whispered getting closer to the lake, putting his hand through the water. Merlin made a spell and removed the shield that was protecting the lake. 

He stepped back two meters, because the book was saying so, opened the book and took a deep breath. He watched for the last time that little island where his lover has been kept in safety all those years and then he saw again that little boat that drove his lover away from him. Merlin blinked and all those images faded, leaving behind the true image. The same island, no boat on the calm lake, no waves that could bring Arthur back. Nothing. 

Merlin focused on the island, on the lake, his heart beating faster and faster. 

“Hoppaþ nu swilce swá lieg fleogan, inbringe cume mec” – Merlin read the spell, closed the book and felt his eyes releasing the power of it 

The island became white because of a powerful light and the lake started shining like the sun itself. Merlin smiled and his tears were streaming down his face because of happiness. And then he remembered Arthur was not going to rise from that water, so he started running like he never ran before in the water. 

“Arthur!” – he started screaming, the anger possessing his body. 

He went underwater, looking for Arthur but he didn’t find him. He came back to the surface, took a deep breath and then went again, keeping his hands in front of his body; his eyes open even though he could barely see something. But he didn’t find him. He swam forward till he couldn’t see the ground behind him and he went again underwater. The time was running short. Arthur was there; somewhere under these waters and if Merlin didn’t find him, Arthur could drown and die for good. While he was searching for his King, Merlin found the sword, Excalibur. He went to the surface to take a last breath and when he went again he felt the material of Arthur’s armor. Merlin smiled underwater, took Arthur’s body, bended it to his chest and took him to the surface. 

Merlin put Arthur on the ground, smiled and let the tears find their way on his cheeks. He stayed there, staring at Arthur sleeping and then he looked at the position of the sun, starting to count the hours. 

“I have to wait a few more hours. Just a few” – Merlin whispered crying and smiling, looking at Arthur sleeping like he knew he was alive.


End file.
